{flump} the anomaly scan

The twenty week scan holds a lot of the same anticipation at the twelve week one for me... nerves and excitement all bundled together. On the one hand excited to see how your baby has grown over the last few weeks, but on the other hand very aware that this is a medical procedure where they are checking your baby for any possibly abnormalities.

I haven't spoken about it prior to now, but I was pretty terrified approaching this scan. At my dating scan the sonographer was perfectly happy with our little Flump, but found some things wrong with me which were a "concern" and that needed to be checked again at twenty weeks, monitored throughout pregnancy, and which meant that my scan would be conducted by a senior consultant sonographer. With a cyst on my cervix that, while harmless, was completely blocking the way for a normal delivery, and a blocked and dilated fallopian tube that showed signs of infection; we were looking at  two possibly completely unrelated issues but both with their own implications. There was talk of them being surprised we'd conceived at all, possibly needing very regular monitoring, gynaecological consults after the birth, maybe surgery and having to book in for a c-section.

Having breezed through previous pregnancies at gloriously low-risk this really shook me up quite a bit, and put a damper on the days immediately following my dating scan. Once the excited haze of having told the children about their new baby sibling had worn off, I did nothing but worry. I made the mistake of Dr Googling the long words that I could see on my scan report in my notes.... I know, I know, never Dr Google, but I couldn't help myself. I rang the midwife who basically told me that nothing could be done and no answers could be given until twenty weeks, and to just try not to worry too much. Which when you are hormonal pregnant lady, is far easier said than done.

Once our exciting news was out in the world I did allow myself to try and get excited, and try to forget the possible complications until I knew more. But as twenty weeks approached I could feel a nervous feeling developing in my gut that just would not go away.

On top of all those worries, we have spent the entire time between the two scans debating back and forth between whether we would or wouldn't find out the gender of our little Flump. We decided in the week leading up to the scan that we definitely would find out... and I kind of hoped that the excitement of knowing would help to balance out any not-so-positive-feelings I had coming away from the scan regarding my issues.

So the day dawned, and with children safely deposited at Nanny's, we headed to the hospital. We decided that much as we enjoyed having the children at the first scan, that with the additional importance of this scan, we wanted to be able to focus on the professionals without the distractions of the children. We arrived and checked ourselves in at reception and then waited.

And waited. And waited.

Fortunately I had been warned that appointments with consultants tend to run late as they get called away for other things. But the extra waiting really did nothing for my nerves. Just like with previous scans I basically told Rich to be silent... or just completely zoned out what he did say. I was in my own little world of worry and I just didn't want to talk.

And then we were called in, and it was time to see Flump again. And as I lay down I remembered that not only was this scan about checking my health, and finding out what we were having, but also checking our babies health out too. I was literally so anxious at this point that I wanted to cry.

A quick flick through my notes, and some questions about last time, and the warm jelly was being poured onto my tummy, the screen was turned on above our heads and our little bubba appeared...

This just never gets boring for me, and I'm pretty sure that I watched our little baby with a cheshire cat style grin for the entire time.

It was a long and detailed scan. We got to see Flump's brain, stomach, spine, arms and legs, fingers and toes, little teeny face (so very much like a certain big brother that it was quite scary). The sonographer asked if my previous babies had been big at birth, as this little chub is measuring slightly ahead of dates for tummy measurements, but bang on dates for everything else. But with two 7lbers in my past I'm wondering if I might just be headed for a bigger one this time... or whether Flump just happened to have ingested a lot of amniotic fluid that morning.

Then it was time to check me out. And much to everybody's surprise and relief, the issues we were all worrying about seem to have cleared up but themselves. While my fallopian tube did look slightly dilated compared to the other, there was no longer a blockage or any signs of infection. And the cyst that I was so worried would mean a definite c-section for this third delivery has completely disappeared without a trace. To say I was thrilled was an understatement... a high-risk consultant led pregnancy, just turned back into a low-risk midwife led one in the space of a few seconds.

And then as we were just finishing up and picking out some photos to print, the sonographer said "Oh you guys wanted to know what you're having, didn't you?" and then she was poking and wiggling my belly with the machine once more to get the necessary 'between the legs shot'.

And straight away the tears welled up.

They would have welled up either way. I'd been fantacising about "it's a boy" and "it's a girl" announcements during the scan for the weeks leading up to it. And both options made me equally tearful and wobbly.

But I held it together, and she told us that she was "pretty sure", and to me it looked like there was no doubt whatsoever. Rich and I shared excited little grins about the secret we'd get to share with the children later that day. And as quickly as it had started we were back in the waiting room while the sonographer wrote up our report.

And it was then that I totally lost it. Like... really, really lost it. Blubbing, oh the clubbing, the kind of which you really do not ever do in public. I couldn't speak, I could hardly breath. I just leant into Rich's shoulder... and he knew. I was crying about everything. The stress of the previous few weeks, the relief of knowing everything was okay, the excitement at finding out what we were having. It was all just too much for my hormones and emotions to handle.

But of course when the sonographer came out she was concerned that I had questions or was worried about something, disapointed about the gender perhaps, and she quickly offered me a room to go and sit in while she answered any questions. The receptionist left her desk to come and see if I was okay. Concerned pregnant women and their other halves looked on, no doubt wondering what on earth was wrong with me.

And then I was crying partly out of embarrassment too; because I still couldn't get any words out to explain that actually they were happy tears and I was fine... just maybe possibly a bit insane. Rich by this point was laughing, partly out of the hilarity of the situation, and partly because I think he was mortified at what an embarrassment I was being. Because I am not a crying in public kind of person really... and I had just broken that character trait in dramatic style.

We managed to convince everyone that I was, in fact, totally fine. I think I mumbled something about "relieved and happy" and tried to make a joke about the fact they must see crazy blubbing women every day. But I was a red hot, snotty mess by this point, and even if they do see that every day, I'm still pretty sure they had a good old laugh about me in the staffroom after.

So yes... all in all the scan was, well, amazing. And emotional. And everything I could have hoped for and more. And all being well, the next time we see little Flump, it will be in real life, in my arms

You can see my other posts related to this pregnancy here. And don't worry, the big gender reveal is coming soon.