the tough life of a toddler

My son is definitely more of a 'little boy' these days.

More of a 'proper toddler'

with some of the associated craziness

that being a toddler brings.

He has these things called 'opinions' now,

and he likes to share his opinions. . . a lot.

But he hasn't worked out that everyone else has an opinion too

and that they might differ from his.

He's still a long way from being a terrible two,

even at his worst I still wouldn't and couldn't call him terrible,

but this new phase does make me a little sad.

As a first time mum, I just don't see this coming,

and he has always been such a chilled out little guy.

The moods and the arguments are tough,

and they make me really worry about my abilities as a mama of a teen.

He's genuinely always been the easiest kid on the planet.

He honestly barely cried as a baby.

He has always entertained himself happily.

He is so far away from being needy.

And as a result I figured that I must be doing a brilliant job at being a mummy.

Now, I second guess myself so much more,

because surely it isn't okay that my child is unhappy.

And I'm sure he's spent more time crying since he was two

than he did the entire time between his first and second birthdays.

Random things scare him now,

and because he has the vocabulary to say "Mummy, I'm a bit scared"

it just about breaks my heart.

In reality, to most people he's still an angel child

and he is generally good as gold when we take him out

and in new situations with new people, he's a real charmer.

But he's certainly a little more trying for us

and he's very different from the easy-to-please baby he once was.

It would appear that life as a toddler is really tough.

You spend your whole time trying to be like the grown ups,

trying to be independent,

trying to assert your authority.

But the grown ups just won't let you do it.

They say "No" and "Not now" and "Stop that"

when up to this point they have encouraged every single new thing you've learned.

And as a parent the days are a completely rollercoaster.

Some days have more highs

and some definitely have more lows.

Some days leave me a drained, jibbering mess

where I wonder if I'm getting it all wrong.

But others leave me feeling like a rock star

and proclaiming my son the biggest genius to ever walk the earth.

I guess life with a toddler isn't about waiting for the storm to pass,

but learning to dance in the rain.

Because for all the difficulties and downsides,

oh my goodness, the pay offs of raising a toddler are amazing.

There genuinely isn't a day that goes by

where I don't marvel at what an incredible human being we're raising,

and how far he has come from that little newborn we brought home from hospital.

He talks: in full sentences

and you can have real conversations with him now.

He walks: and runs, and climbs,

negotiating the world around him with such confidence,

using and testing his body and finding he can do new things.

He learns: all the time.

Seriously? So much just since Christmas;

potty training, letters, colours, numbers.

Sometimes the rate at which he is learning and growing up

is enough to completely knock me sideways.

And he just wants to see how far this new intelligence can take him.

I guess I just have to remind myself

that his newly found sensitivity is a good thing.

He's always had a big heart

and been a really gentle and careful little boy,

and while that seems to make him rather emotional at times,

it also means he's very caring.

He loves to cuddle,

especially with Mummy

and probably far more than I deserve.

He is such a kind big brother,

and never likes to see his sister sad

or without a toy to play with.

And then sometimes, 

right when I'm about to pull my hair our,

he's my baby again.

He'll climb up for a cuddle with his sister and me

and proclaim "Mummy's two babies".

And I'll squeeze him tight,

sniffing his hair in that mummy way that we all do,

and breathing in his babyhood,

to lock it away somewhere in my memory.

Because those days are fleeting and slipping through my fingers so fast.

But fortunately the little boy he's becoming,

and hopefully the gentleman we'll raise him to be,

make the crazy moments worthwhile.

As do those cuddles and "I love you Mummy" proclamations,

because heaven knows those are more than payment

for the occasional monster who lives in our home.

I've been thinking for a little while now

of starting a really easy and informal linky

for all those "mama love" posts.

I write a lot about my love for my kids,

my worries about getting it right,

my thoughts on raising them right,

and the general joy I get from being their mama.

And I know that I read a lot of blogs that like to do the same.

So today I introduce "a mama's love".

Where you can share what's in your head and your heart

when it comes to being a parent.

A place for you to share all those soppy and emotional posts,

those ones about the good and the bad, 

the ugly and the downright beautiful

that life is when you are a mama.

I hope you'll come along for the ride.

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