our little individuals

It makes my heart stupidly happy

to get to parent a boy and a girl.

I love that my husband and I have the opportunity

to learn about raising boys and raising girls.

But it is already clear to me

that however much I might want to try to be fair and equal,

we will not be raising our children the same.

We won't treat them in the same way

and we already don't.

I'll honestly put my hands up and say

I'm not sure how much of that is their personalities

and how much of that is down to their genders.

But my children are so incredibly different

and we so desperately want to raise them as individuals

and not just as another part of our family as a whole.

My experience of raising a boy has been as easy as breathing.

What you see is what you get with boys

and it makes parenting them so easy,
but I think they also don't let you in as easily as they grow up.

My experience of raising a girl has been shorter but has already taught me so much.

Maybe it's the nature of girls in general

that they are more highly strung,

and I sense parenting a girl will continue to be a more complicated journey.

It is difficult for me to admit, but in honesty, 

I am a far more confident boy mama than a girl one.
It's not just that I've been mummy to a boy for longer,
I've always found boys easier through life,
as friends,
in the classroom.
Maybe it's because I grew up with a brother.

But I feel like boys get a bad rap.

The general bashing of boys makes me cross,

daughters are so often held up on pedestals

as something that every single mother would and should want.

Don't get me wrong, I love having a daughter

I love that we might get to share girlier pursuits together

and I love the possibility of having a real friendship when she's grown up.

But I think this sells boys short,

why wouldn't I enjoy doing these things with him too?

It goes without saying that I love my son to pieces

but I genuinely find him so amazing

that he makes me think that every person on the planet should want a son

just to be in with a chance of having a soul just like his in their life.

He's simply amazing.

He's confident in every situation we throw at him,

and yet somehow manages to still be a really sensitive soul.

He's inherited my big gentle heart I suspect

and he seems to feel really deeply,

but at the same time he is brave and very little scares him.

He is so incredibly affectionate

and loves cuddles and kisses and human contact.

He's a real free spirit

who loves to run in fresh air and to watch the rain.

But mostly he is so easy, so chilled, so simple.

His pleasures in life are simple,

he's uncomplicated.

Being a girl mama is a totally different thing,

not a better thing, or a worse thing,

but a totally different thing nevertheless.

And as a reflection of that,
my relationship with my daughter is so different to the one with my son.

She needs me more,

and not just because she is a younger baby,

it's something about her and the way she is

and she has incredible powers for drawing me to her.

And it isn't just me,

she has a far greater need for people in general,

she is happiest when she is wherever the rest of us are,

she craves social interactions.

And even at her young age

she already has ways of making sure we know

that things are on her terms.

She might be the youngest,

but it already feels like she's trying to assert her authority

and tell us that she is the boss.

My husband is absolutely fascinated by watching us together

and he will smile and say "You're already best friends, aren't you?"

I hope to the core of my being that he is right

and that we can be best friends as she grows.

Because I worry about how complicated girls are,

how fragile and complex and emotional they are,

and I worry about how easy it could be

to get it wrong and to knock her confidence.

I feel like I owe it to her

to make up for all the one-to-one time that she doesn't get

simply because she has a big brother stealing the limelight.

I feel like the fact she needs me so much already

is just a sign of things to come

and I really hope I don't let her down.

I don't want to let either of them down.
We don't want to let either of them down.

We want to get it right.

The worries with parenting boys and girls are different,

but the reasons are always the same;

wanting the absolute best for our children.

We would love for our beautiful babies to think of us as a friend;

someone they can talk to, turn to and confide in.

But their daddy and me will always always be their parents first,
and that will mean we will have to make decisions that they don't like sometimes.
We might treat them differently
and they might not think it's fair.
We might have one rule for one and another for the other.
But being a good parent isn't always about being fair
and treating your children the exact same way.

I just hope they'll understand us enough to know
that those difficult decisions come from a place of love.
And that by making those decisions
we will be raising them as individuals,
nurturing their differences,
and loving them for exactly who they are.