the second baby

 

Before I was even pregnant with the beautiful girl 

I was really paranoid about 'second child syndrome'.

I didn't ever want my second baby to feel

like they were less exciting or less special somehow

just because they happened to be born second.

Now that my lovely little lady is here,
it goes without saying
that she is every bit as exciting and special as her older brother.
She is just as fascinating and adorable.
She is just as new and different.
And we love her to pieces.

But things are different the second time around.
I hold her close while she falls asleep in my arms
but I also have my eyes on a toddler
who will get into all sorts of trouble at a moments notice.

I remember last time
the three of us lying in our bed;
my husband and I
just staring at the beautiful boy
in complete awe of the fact that we had made him.
It pains me to say
that she was six weeks old before I realised
that we had never done this with our baby girl.

Oh, the guilt.
I had never spent time self indulgently enjoying my daughter,
basking in the beauty of her eyes
and the wonder of newborn life.
I was squandering her earliest days
and missing opportunities to enjoy her.

We have remedied that now
and she comes into bed for cuddles with us in the morning
while we wait the half hour or so for her brother to wake up.
We stare at her,
we work our socks off to get more and more smiles
and more and more giggles.
We examine the finer details of her baby soft skin,
her brand new, downy hair
and her extraordinary navy-grey eyes.

But it is different.
Because our time as a three
- as mummy, daddy and daughter -
doesn't last long.
We inevitably have a little man who joins us.
Who shatters the piece when he comes for cuddles.
Who simply can't wait to see HIS baby
and to join in with the morning snuggles under the blanket.

We didn't have that last time.
We could totally indulge in baby time last time.
And I can't help but feel a little sad
and more than a little guilty
that I'm somehow not enjoying her enough.

But last time
we didn't have the pleasure of hanging out with our children
(saying "children" still makes me smile)
and seeing them get to know each other.
So while we may not be staring at her face as much as we did with her brother,
she doesn't want for any more attention,
because while he came into the world with two people ready to dote on him.
She was born into a world with three adoring family members.