booking in

This is another of the posts that I wrote in secret

before our exciting news was common knowledge.

Today was my booking in appointment day.

It's sort of feels like the first day that you are really pregnant I think,

when you can talk really openly with the midwife about your pregnancy,

and you really start to feel like this is actually happening.

It's an exciting day.

Last time I really looked forward to my booking in appointment for my Dollop.

It seemed to take forever to come

and I'd filled in all the paper work days in advance

and my hubby had booked the day off work to join me.

This time I was really excited too,

but I'm definitely more chilled out this time

and as a result the appointment seems to have crept up on me really quickly.

I was frantically filling in the forms on the morning of the appointment

and the hubby decided against booking a day off work,

knowing full well that the booking in appointment is a paper work exercise

where you spend an hour of your life

answering questions about your entire medical history

and that of your immediate family.

So I deposited the beautiful boy at my mums

and went along to the birthing unit.

Since having the little guy

our local midwife team have moved from an old hospital building

into a new purpose built birth centre,

so I was quite excited to see what the new place had to offer.

It's definitely very slick and fancy looking.

They couldn't show me around today because both the labour rooms were in use

but they've told me to ask again next time.

In all honesty I'm pretty sure I won't be having this baby at our local birth centre,

much as I would like to support them,

and think they do a great job.

The birth centre approach didn't work out so well for me last time,

and I ended up feeling very scared and alone.

My hubby is pretty determined that we'll be going to straight to the main hospital in the next town

when the time comes for little Splodge to arrive,

and I think we probably will.

We had such a positive experience there

which we are keen to replicate.

My booking in appointment made me realise how much more baggage you carry the second time around.

Last time we were just so excited and trusted the midwives to tell us what to do when.

This time we have some experience

and will definitely be more brave and more likely to push for things to go our way.

The midwife said they will support wherever we decide to have our baby,

but did remind me that this is a different baby,

which will result in a different labour.

It did make me think that in my head I'm sort of expecting the same again.

The same experiences,

and sort of the same baby.

I find myself thinking the new baby

will do things at the same stage that little man did;

that it will have the same temperament

and will be similar all round.

When obviously it probably won't.

I asked at the appointment whether it would be possible for me to see my notes from last time,

which my midwife was very supportive of.

She said that often women have very scary memories

but looking through the notes helps them realise things were pretty routine.

I just feel like because my labour went on so long,

and because I was so out of it with pain,

that I don't really feel like I know what happened last time.

I know the end result was perfect

but hours and hours seem like a blur of me crying and moaning

with no idea what was happening.

So I've been booked in for a double appointment at 16 weeks

and she said she will go through them with me and I can ask questions if I need to.

I'm actually really looking forward to making more sense of my birth story

from a medical perspective rather than just my emotional perspective.

And it'll either make me feel a lot braver about my next labour

or it'll scare the hell out of me.

I guess time will tell.