a birth story - part ten

In my birth story so far:

my waters broke at 6am,

then my contractions started,

after three trips to the hospital,

they finally let me stay,

but 22 hours after it started,

I was starting to feel very alone, scared and unsupported.

I was told by the midwife that she had called the hospital 

and that they had a room ready if we needed it, 

but that she really thought that I could still go ahead with my more natural birth. 

When I told her that, quite frankly 

I didn't want a natural birth any more, 

that I wanted the pain to go away, 

that I needed to sleep; 

she told me that I should try pethidine. 

This was the one form of pain relief that I had been avidly against having. 

I'd heard too many horror stories 

of babies who were born so drugged up that they didn't know to breathe. 

But when I tried to explain this

she told me that if I was lucid enough to have that sort of reasoning, 

then I couldn't be in that much pain. 

Yes, a midwife really did say that to me. 

The only reason I didn't hit her was because I didn't have the energy.

I continued to pass in and out of consciousness due to pain and the entonox, 

vaguely aware of my husband’s failing attempts 

to explain that I wasn't really one to make a fuss 

and that if I said I was struggling then I really meant it. 

At some point she mentioned that she couldn't transfer me to the bigger unit for an epidural 

if I hadn't at least given pethidine a try. 

What a load of rubbish.

In my next moments of being 'with it', 

she told me that her main concern was to check my ketones 

and if I was sure that I couldn't produce a urine sample myself, 

that she would have to put in a catheter. 

And that, 

right there,

that was the moment I snapped. 

I was suddenly perfectly with it. 

With it enough to simply say "Over my dead body." 

She told me that if I had an epidural that I would have to have a catheter anyway. 

And I pointed out that if I had a catheter with an epidural that I wouldn't feel it.

At 6.30am, 

24 hours after my contractions had first started 

I'd had enough. 

Decision made. 

Call the maternity unit. 

Call the ambulance. 

We're leaving.

Read the next part here.